English corner 英语角 -
文章纠正专区（学习英语的进）
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origina text:The older people always teach us how to master skills or tell us what we should. Recently, more and more new machines play a very significant part in our daily life, with the development of science, technology, and new thoughts. That is to say, the elder need us to teach them in some ways.
Nowadays, new approaches of communications are very important to us, but many of them are difficult to handle with. For instance, we acquire news form TV, we use phones to keep up with somebody, further more, we work, study or write email on the internet. All these are advanced skills and develop fast. Few older people seldom can operate these digital mechanism. On the other hand, young people often are good at these, they can teach the elder.
Also, automobile became an usuall transportation in personal family. It makes our life more convenient. But most older people can' t drive it well and fast. My parents seldom drive, if I present. My grandpa even dosen’ t dare to drive at all, although he got the licence and we taught him again and again.
At the same time, some novel conceptions and many new phrase are brought out. Older people hardly can catch up with these. So we always use very popular words: you are out now. When my little nephew talks with my parents, they always ask me for translation. It may sound strange, but it really exsit. I always tell my parents, oh, you need learn some new from me.
There is no doubt that there are a lot we should study from the older people. After all, they have many wonderful experiences which are useful for us. Also there are a number of spirits we have to learn from them.
But we can' t ignore that no one can master everything, so do the elder. there do have something young people can teach the older ones.
comment from sedgehead:你说了: For example, It has
我建议: For example, it has
Comment: easy to fix.
你说了: Fist,
我建议: Fist?
你说了: studies,
我建议: studies;
Comment: a semicolon should be used to separate two independent clauses (=phrases that can stand alone as sentences).
你说了: noises form the restaurant
我建议: noises from the restaurant
Comment: you can’t build a restaurant with noise! HA! That is, noise cannot form a restaurant.
你说了: At the same time, students hardly can concentrate in their studies,
我建议: At the same time, students can hardly concentrate in their studies,
你说了: homeworks
我建议: homework
Comment: there’s no such word as “homeworks.”
你说了: Also, smokes will flow out of the kitchen,
我建议: Also, smoke will flow out of the kitchen,
Comment: the only time we say “smokes” is if there’s more than one fire. Forest Service folks fight say “I saw three smokes along Highway 14, we must have an arsonist setting fires.
你说了: They [smokes] often around us, and can easily lead to lung diseases.
我建议: They [smokes] are often around us, and can easily lead to lung diseases.
Comment: note that I used “smokes” because you used a plural pronoun (they are, it is).
你说了: come from different area,
我建议: come from different areas,
Comment: you can also say one of two things, “come from a different area”
你说了: Nowadays, there are many thieves acting in society.
我建议: Nowadays, there are many thieves active in society.
The different here is minor.
你说了: Take the fact happened last month for instance, one of my neighbor Anne lost 10000 yuan at home.
我建议: For example, consider something that happened last month; one of my neighbors Anne lost 10000 yuan at home.
Several changes make this more fluent. Since you have more than one neighbor, it would be “one of my [several] neighbors” with “several” being understood from the context.
你说了: he was a repairer
我建议: he was a repairman
你说了: Take the fact happened last month for instance, one of my neighbor Anne lost 10000 yuan at home. One day, when she was cooking in the kitchen, there was a knock at the door. When she opened the door, a man stood outside and told her that he was a repairer who was asked for to come and check the fountain by her husband. So she let him come in, then, went on cooking. A few minutes later, the man left. Then she found her money lose after the man left
我建议: Consider what happened last month for instance. One of my neighbors, Anne, lost 10000 Yuan to a thief in her home. One day she was cooking in the kitchen. Someone knocked at the door. When she opened the door, she saw a man stood outside who told her that he was a repairman who her husband had asked to come by and check a faucet. So she let him come in and went on cooking. A few minutes later, the man left. Then she found her money missing after the man left.
Comment: I’ve made several minor changes, just to make it sound a little better.
你说了: Thus, in my opinion, the more complicated composition of the people around the neighborhood, the less safe our community is.
Comment: one friend put it this way. “If a town has fewer than 10,000 people in a town, everyone knows what everyone else is doing. But in a larger town it is easier for people to hide what they do.”
你说了: Of course, there are a number of advantages of the restaurant. such as, there will be more entertainments in our community, with the opening of it. Also, our life will be more convenient, because we can go to the restaurant if we don't want to cook some day.
我建议: Of course, there are a number of advantages of having the restaurant nearby. For example, there will be more entertainment opportunities in our community. Also, our life will be more convenient, because we can go to the restaurant if we don't want to cook some day.
